I was in the hospital last month for liposuction. It was my third cosmetic surgery this year. Having cosmetic surgery is a good way to find out who your real friends are. I don't need so called friends telling me I have an addictive disorder. The next time someone tells me I have a problem, I'm going to tell them that I look just fine, and maybe they're the ones with the fucking problem. I took some back issues into the hospital with me so I'd have something to read. I loaned a couple issues to the elderly man in the next bed. He quickly gave them back to me saying they seemed to be mostly ads. What a fucking jerk. I told him I worked for the zine, and he asked me how much they paid. This guy just didn't get it, he was probably too sick to think straight. Anyway, while I was reading through some of my old columns I caught a couple minor errors I want to correct.
Last issue I reported I'd heard on the news that they were having a problem at Yosemite National Park with bears breaking into cars and stealing the airbags out of them. That was an error. A few weeks ago I was driving somewhere with my friend Brett, from Cold Front Records. When he was locking up the car he asked if we had gotten all the food out. I asked what he meant, and he reminded me I had told him that I heard on the news there'd been an epidemic of thieves breaking into cars to steal food. That's when I realized I had mixed up two different stories that appeared on the same newscast.
You may recall that several issues back I mentioned that I had gone to high school with Microsoft founder Bill Gates, and that we had been good friends. Last month I ran into Rich, another high school buddy, who also knew Bill. When I mentioned Bill Gates to him he reminded me that our high school friend's name was actually Bill Graves. I swear the guy bore a strong resemblance to Bill Gates, and Rich even agreed about that. Also, Bill Graves used to carry his pens in one of those plastic pocket protectors, and I think his Dad owned a computer, so it was an easy mistake to make. I'm reallly glad the whole thing is cleared up now, cause frankly I was pretty ticked off that Bill Gates hadn't been returning my calls.